Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I Heart Cheney


Liberals continue to be as paranoid and insane as ever, telling you wild and crazy tall tales, foaming at the mouth and screaming and shaking their fists in rage while imploring the sun god to show benevolence and compassion (while foaming at the mouth of course) as they perform strange bizarre rituals with the blood of a virgin ox while dancing around the fire.  (Just ask anyone who's had dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Kucinich.)

Indeeed, one such mad man walked right up to me the other day and asked,  "You do realize that a mulitnational, wealthy corporation is powerful and able to influence  public policy to its own benefit, even if it is harmful to the public at large--don't you?"

Wrong again, Steve.  Not true.  Cheney is a pussycat who just happens to love a bit of torture now and then, Haliburton is loverly, Monsanto wouldn't hurt a mosquito except with it's wonderful pesticides and Massey Coal only occasionally buries its workers in preventable accidents.  Fortunately, America knows this, as the same 10% of our voting populace who seem to change sides every 2 years changed sides again.  I think this proves the wisdom of the American public versus the elitists overlords in D.C. (Not the billionaire elitists, those guys are fantastic!)

Furthermore, I have evidence that it is not true. I have labels.  And with those labels, numbers to accompany them. To wit: "Conservative: 42 percent. Moderate: 35 percent. Liberal: 20 percent."

So there you have it.  A label I haven't defined with a number.  If that isn't proof, what is?  I'm not going to say what 'moderate' might actually mean but that could make things messy and science is about labels and numbers and ambiguous, impossible-to-define terms.  Obviously.

And the American public is right to be afraid of the screaming bullet train of socialism rushing us to Europe.  For example: FRANCE.  There.  Frightened? You should be.  (If that doesn't scare you shitless you, you're not really an American and should probably fuck off to godless Western Europe anyway.)
(That most Americans do not speak a second language and barely have the foggiest notion of what happens outside of world affairs isn't important in this calculation.  What is important? FRANCE.  There, you see?)

Thank god, the train has now been derailed, progress has been interrupted, and people can stop fretting about The Greater Good and get back to worrying about whether their child is going to be accepted into the right pre-school.  (Or, will that plastic tarp you're living under hold up through the winter? Depending.)

So to briefly summarize, pollution is good, socialized medicine is only good when used by old white people who vote Republican, taxes are bad unless they're going to (you guessed it) old white Republicans afraid of change, and public demonstrations are good when it consists of old white people on Medicare and Social Security--but bad when it consists of (probably) odiferous Frenchmen.

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