Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Exploited Child In The Basement And Why I Don't Care

sure there's a horribly exploited child in the basement but i don't really give a piss and here's why


the magical balloon ride of mister brooks 

Well, it's an evil cruel world and let's face it someone is always getting exploited somewhere--so who gives a shit? You can have *wonderful* and *meaningful* life--in fact, suffering = meaning and is much, much better than happiness. Okay? So let's not worry about that kid that picks coffee beans 20 hours a day and drops dead of exhaustion; let's worry about whether or not he has a copy of my books. Translated into his native language. Assuming he can probably read. Which he probably can't. So maybe worry about getting him an audiobook. (Note to self: Make sure my publisher is putting out some damn audiobooks in Spanish. Better get that in writing. What the hell was I talking about?


Of Submarines And Why My Parents Sucked And At Least One Other Thing

(pictured: cross-section of an obsolete nuclear submarine being dismantled in Vladiovostok)

Wow. Would have made for a groovy 70's style mansion or futuristic aparment complex. And: You could put the damn thing on some sort of magnetic floating stilts; then, when an earthquake came, it would just float on the magnetic fields. I'm a genius. Just like when I was a kid and drew pictures of zeppelins that would have totally flown if my parents had just put up the cash to finance it, the selfish bastards.


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

What Does 'Meaning' Mean?

what does meaning mean?
what does meaning mean?
the magical balloon ride of mister brooks

Since time immemorial or at least since the Coolidge Administration (perhaps the zenith of American culture but let's hope not because there is still a chance we can pull off this dream I like to call 'America') (that's what it says on the map anyways, and I'm going to assume for now that the map is correct)....Anyhooz, since that vague, unspecified era long ago wherein everyone who lived through it is dead and therefore unable to contradict me, philosophers have debated the question of meaning. So ask yourself? What does 'meaning' mean?   It sounds pretty damn confusing, doesn't it? How does one precisely define an inherently abstract concept? We give meaning but we are not really sure how we do it.

So I'm going to skip the hard stuff and go back to my usual bullshit: Chin up, fly right, obedience to the old virtues, not the new ones (I will let you know what those are), and all that other crap I poop out into print on a regular basis.

For example, here's a speech I found by a famous actor who played heroes in movies and therefore can set an example for us all: John Wayne Gacy. He had some very inspiring words:

When you drug and handcuff a guy and then forcibly sodomize him as he's bent over a pool table, some people are not going to like you. When you slowly suffocate him to death, some people are not going to like you. But you have to live the life that you were meant to live. When the police find the corpses and you're sitting on death row, some people are not going to like you. But that is no reason to change who you are. We mean what we do.

Inspiring words from a great man.
Thank you, John Wayne Gacy, but most of all, thanks for HONDO. I love that movie.

Surely now you can see that a life with 'meaning' is much better than a life with 'happiness'. Celebrate every 16-hour day you spend fighting traffic and drudgery, and I will celebrate it with you! (From my summer house in Maine or perhaps my condo in gay Paris.) It is meaning, which trust me is so much better than the cash in my pockets given to me by whoring myself out to elite whom I truly despise. I just take their money and say whatever they tell me to say.
Vive le meaning!

Monday, January 5, 2015

Repressed Man Outlives 2 More People Living Their Dreams

Two U.S. ski team prospects die in avalanche

More proof that living your dreams will probably kill you and should probably not be tried at all, unless your dream is, say, "librarian".

Stay indoors, close the blinds, and be afraid.