Monday, August 29, 2011

Local Man Amazed That That Many Iowans Understand Evolution

Republicans Against Science - "According to Public Policy Polling, only 21 percent of Republican voters in Iowa believe in global warming (and only 35 percent believe in evolution). "

Friday, August 26, 2011

Conservatives Wonder If Getting Brutally Sodomized By Rick Perry Might Not Be So Bad?

America's conservatives
the pros and cons of
being forced to look
pretty for Rick Perry.

Conservatives across America are asking themselves, "Just how awful would it be to be Rick Perry's prison bitch? I mean, you'd get used to it after a while, right? Eventually you might actually start to like shaving your legs and wearing a dress. Right? As long as were not wasting money on paying teachers to teach schoolchildren."


Cheney Had "Urge" To Bomb Pretty Much Everyone

Citizen Cheney
In his new tell-all behind-scenes-memoir, Dick Cheney confesses that he had an untreated addiction to "just bomb the shit out of someone". He also admits that he had had prostate difficulties for many years and could only ejaculate while reading CIA torture memorandums. He also professes to being a "huge" Lady Gaga fan, taking umbrage with many of her devotees. "I was the original Little Monster," he cries on page 236. He also admits that his dream birthday would be a performance by Lady Gaga herself at his party, and a pony. 

In Book, Cheney Says He Urged Bush to Bomb Syria Nuclear Site -

Sunday, August 21, 2011

SHAMPAIGN: Maddow Explains The Economics Of GOP Presidential Bids (Rachel Maddow, Aug. 2011)

God Announces Reality Show To Recruit Next Used-Car Salesman To Promote His Divine Word

Above: Photo of aging, soon-to-be
replaced Voice of God and former
used-Oldsmobile salesman.
God, The Omnipotent and Omniscient Creator and Ruler of All Things, announced his plans for basic cable reality show wherein used-car salesmen, casino operators, carnies, and all-around general purpose grifters will compete to replace the current aging Designated Voice Of God On This Planet.

 "It's going to be a lot like American Idol, viewers can text in their votes and other cool stuff, except that we couldn't get Seacrest. Will it be a ratings juggernaut? Well, we're up against Idol," said The Lord, shrugging his shoulders.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Why The Daily Show Is Dead

The Daily Show Is Dead

Congratulations, Mr. Stewart. You've gotten Ron Paul fans to like you. Too bad for the Daily Show, you've become the first-rate blowhard you've been railing against for the past decade or so. To wit: "What an asshole." I'm sure you can come up with a reason as to why the right-wing you've learned to love is disenfranchising their fellow Americans. Fortunately, I won't be watching. Not even Samantha Bee can make what's left of the wreckage of this show worth the bother.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Infinite Science, Infinite Wealth

 Technology will lead to infinite wealth: Mostly by cleaning up the garbage from previous technologies.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Let's Just Hope The Next Bout Kills Her

Kris Carr - Crazy Sexy Entrepreneur -
"But in the case of Carr, the idea that everyone seems to want a little bit of what she has is frankly fascinating, because the thing she is most famous for having is cancer. She was given the diagnosis in 2003 and rose to prominence with a 2007 documentary called “Crazy Sexy Cancer.” She subsequently wrote two successful books — “Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips” and “Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor” — about her peppy, pop-spiritual approach to her disease, and she soon became what she sometimes describes as a “cancerlebrity” or, at other times, a “cancer cowgirl.”"

Monday, August 8, 2011

Confederate Quotes

Confederate Quotes

These people loved freedom so much they were willing to fight against it! Now that's a real American!

Friday, August 5, 2011


Ever think that all of this bullshit happened because airlines were too fucking cheap to put locks on the fucking cabinet doors?

Neither do I.

Jon Stewart: God Cannot Handle Sarcasm

Culture War Update - The Dividening of America - Dana Perino vs. Free Birth Control - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 08/04/11 - Video Clip | Comedy Central

So, Mr. Stewart--only the Daily Show is allowed to express honesty with sarcastic dickism? We should allow the religious fanatics to control public landmarks? If Obama has taught us anything, it's that compromising with fanatics WORKS. And what the hell does this have to do with health care? Hit the FAIL gong.

From FaceBook:

If a crescent moon had been found at Ground Zero would Fox News and Jon Stewart be rushing to defend and mount it at the site as a memorial? If one of the many falafel carts that service the many business men in that area were found among the wreckage would people be rushing to make it a symbol at Ground Zero?

To erect a cross at Ground Zero is to signify that it was a tragedy for a singularly Christian nation which the United States is not. There are people of other faiths and beliefs who are equally affected by the tragedy. Therefore I do not think any sort of cross should be erected at Ground Zero.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The President Surrenders - Readers' Comments -

The President Surrenders - Readers' Comments -

"I imagine this is like lying in a coffin listening to nails as they are hammered in one by one. Good bye middle class."

From Barack Obama's Notebook: Synonyms For "Deal"

"Hmm, let's see, synonyms for deal:
Defeat; crushing defeat; drowned in bathtub by professional wrestler; eaten alive by herd of rabid shrews; run over by a train whilst standing on tracks, browsing thesaurus; bizarrely naive trust in one's enemies even as they castrate you; Poland 1939.
Wow, hard to choose which one I like the most."


The President Surrenders on Debt Ceiling -

The President Surrenders on Debt Ceiling -

"Make no mistake about it, what we’re witnessing here is a catastrophe on multiple levels."