Thursday, October 10, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
by Ross Douthat
Editor's note: This column was found discarded on the floor of a Manhattan subway station, inside a men's bathroom, where it had been deployed for its only suitable purpose. However, some of the passages were actually read by the thousands of patrons going through the restroom and subsequently added to wiki.gents.humour.com. The reader of this esteemed publication, however, is free to judge for his- or herself. Although it would be much better if he or she simply did what we told them to do.War: It doesn't affect me. I'm sitting here, ensconced in my office, sipping my hot, stimulating beverage, and tapping away while humming along with Wagner's Bomb The Jews Overture. And what a couple of weeks this has been. Seeing Obama's carefully, coolly calibrated response to everything while imagining that his colon is squirming, is enough to fill the heart of this spiteful Republican with joy. Syrians, dead Syrians everywhere, and not a god damn thing Obama can do about it! Wonderful, isn't it?
However, some historical perspective is needed. We all know that unlike former President Shrub, our
Under Shrub, it was fine to believe lies. The ones I liked in particular. But this is a different time--because I just don't like Obama. So why should I trust his lies? As I've said elsewhere, we're all fucking fed up with political cliches. And it's not like Obama is smiling and waving from an aircraft carrier while pretending to be a Navy pilot. That was freedom you could believe in! But now freedom's just another word for "I Hate Obama."
Ergo we on the right-wing shall do what we usually do: Pander to our audience with snide sneers against an extremist center-right president who has failed to do what we want him to do. Lose elections. And as he refused to do this, we Republicans shall continue to hate him. Until he apologizes and says he's very, very sorry.
Perhaps in 2016 we shall once again have a president in whose GI tract Republicans can trust. A president with character, a president who works out instead of working. Till then, our choice is clear: Hate Obama no matter what.
And anyway, let's hope the Syrians keep killing each other. After all, they're only Muslims. (Unless they kill some Christians, that would be a game-changer.)