SOMETHING SOMETHING: Sewer Lines Destroyed After Glenn Beck Claims They Run With Rivers Of Gold

A hysteric wave of sewer line breaks broke out across America today after Glenn Beck announced that they were being used to conceal Obama's "rivers of gold" from taxpayers.  In other news, 911 emergency centers have been inundated by callers asking if "U.S. moonbases have been given to Kenya or the U.N.?"

In business today, shares of Glenn Beck's Hardware And Prospecting Supplies Corporation  has seen an 700% increase in share price since this morning.
Glenn Beck