Harvard Hates Real (White) Christians

It's clear to me now that the entire Ivy League--and by Ivy League, I mean America's elite (and by "elite" I mean "semite" (and by 'semite' I mean anyone who disagrees with me))--these elite elitists are looking down at us white rural Christians (and by 'Christian' I mean anyone who voted for George Bush twice).

New studies prove that their is discrimination against the children of rural white turnip farmers who idolize football stars, take the Bible literally except for the dress code, and love hunting (I'm talking about hunting where you actually kill an animal with a gun or preferably with your bare hands whenever possible).  They'd love to go to Harvard, live in Manhattan and work on Madison Avenue or Wall Street, but with all of the, um, let's call them "nonwhites", with all of them going to Harvard, that only leaves room for the upper-class white youths.  And you know they're not real Christians--they live in Manhattan for chrissakes.  What kind of Real Christian lives in that godforsaken city of sodomy?

Therefore, if there are a lack of lower-class, racially white, pious Proestant youths attending Ivy League schools, it's due to Liberal Elists who hate Christians.  (And if you hate Christians, you hate Christ and probably deserve to die horribly.  (Note: Conversion courses are held in the church annex every Wednesday 7-9 pm; all faiths welcome provided you're willing to change your faith.))  It's not because they didn't study hard enough, aren't smart enough, or driven enough, or confident enough, or because they couldn't even be bothered to take the SAT, or they wanted to attend a university which would confirm their  world-view.  Nope, it's not any of that.  It's the Liberal Elitists again, and yes, fellow Real Christians, you should be angry, paranoid, and fearful.  Any moment now Sonia Sotomayor or Elena Kagan could break into your home, confiscate your property in the name of the Supreme Court, and shove you and your loved ones into a cattle car on your way to Canada to eke out the rest of what would be left of your-now wretched lives on a collective farm in Alberta.  And without so much as a Dr. Zhivago theme--how's that for a fine how-do-ya-do?  'Here's some federal stimulus money, oh, and by the way, we need to use your good pious daughters as Harvard sex slaves for minority students to redress the wrongs of slavery.'

Don't think it can't happen, they don't even have insurance co-pays there. (I went across the border once to by some duty-free Canadian vodka...not worth it.)  Today it's free heart surgery, tomorrow you're living like a serf in Siberia.  So yes, my friends, it is time to be very, very, very, very afraid.  Heil Obama!  You're next! You're next! You're next! You're next!