Wednesday, February 2, 2011

How Egypt Is Really About My Theory About What's Wrong With Your Theories

Let's be clear about one thing: Egypt is an example of EPIC LIBERAL FAILURE.

Sure, there was torture, repression, extremes of social inequality, some more torture--okay, a lot of torture--and some other bad stuff.  But hey, do you want Khomeini in charge? That guy was a religious fanatic.  

Totally different from our fanatics: All they want is to have everyone worship the real god (God), the real redeemer (Jesus, not some Jewish or Muslim guy, come on I mean seriously), and absolute control over every ovum in every woman's body.  Then we can have true freedom and democracy.  We couldn't have all that with Khomeini--we'd be worshiping the wrong god, waiting for the wrong redeemer.  (We'd be doing okay on the ova though.)

And then there was Nasser. Don't get me started. Could he come back from the dead?  It's happened before.  

And how could we possibly have known that supporting tyrants would turn out badly? I can't think of a time in history when it did. Can you?  And somehow I wrote an entire column about the Middle East without mentioning oil once.  Okay, once. 

The point is this: Theories don't work.  The world is too complicated for theories--that's why I put my faith in Space Jesus, with whom I not only have a very up-close and personal relationship, but also with I will be flying around the galaxy for eternity in his spaceship.  

p.s. Bush was right about Iraq.  

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