His Holiness Pope Benedict Something has changed his stance on priests raping parishioners. "This should no longer be tolerated, as I used to do before people paid attention to me. From now on, anyone raped, sodomized, touched, fondled, fiddled, diddled, or just plain creeped out by a Catholic priest is automatically entitled to a "Get Well Soon" card signed by me. In addition, they will also get a fancy red hat personally blessed by Christ's representative on Earth (me!). One size fits all, sorry no returns. P.S. Really sorry you were raped."
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