Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tree Of Shit: Or, How The Hippies Turned Our Children Into Little Bastards


We all have a garden and in that garden is a tree.  And twice per week, I yank down my trousers and fertilize it with my own fecal material.  Or as they call them in the journo biz, "columns".

This week's column is on civility.  Yes it's down the proverbial hole ever since the long-hairs rose up and bitched to their mommies about having limb blown off in Vietnam.  After six people died in a needless preventable tragedy--made possible by gun control regulations that defy all common sense--I found, fortunately, someone to blame. And it's not me.

(After all, there is really no point in writing a political column if you're the culprit.  It's like a detective investigating his own murder.)

Turns out the incivility is, in fact, caused directly by (yes, it was the hippies, but it was a bit more complex than that) a lack of humility and modesty.  And yes, what seems like another age, everyone was modest and humble (Joseph McCarthy, Hitler, Kaiser Wilhelm, Queen Victoria, The Spanish Inquisition).  Which of course is why I have to constantly write columns about it and criticize liberals and such: I have sacrificed my humility for the sake of teaching others about humility.  Believe me, I'd much rather be sitting at home and playing online Yahtzee!  But modesty compels me to be immodest.

So we're all involved in a wonderful process which makes us better people or maybe just go to WalMart and buy some ammo and shoot someone in the head. Either way, it's one big beautiful tapestry.  So when I pander to the right with ideas about how "elitists" and "Asian-Jewish meritocrats" are controlling our government and skull-raping Real Americans (ironically, not the people who read the NY Times) with their elitist-hippie-meritocratic-asian-jewish culture (and of course implicitly suggesting that the wealthy and powerful are somehow just regular folks who eat at Applebee's), it's not pandering to the paranoia and suspicion of reactionary weirdos or just plain weirdos.  No, not at all.  It's actually a growth process, and every contribution makes our Tree of Shit grow just a bit higher.

No comments:

Post a Comment