Monday, July 6, 2009

Practicing Celibacy by St. Augustine

Yo yo yo yo kids, St. Augustine rappin' at mah dogs here. Now this be da straight up truth, and when I say 'truth', I mean, TRUTH with all capital letters and shit. Celibacy is the shit. Did you hear that? Do I need to say it again? I'll say it again in case you weren't payin attention da first go round. This be the 411: Celibacy. Is. The. Shit. Now you shorties iz all like "A. Dog, wat you be tellin' me? Nuttin' better dan pumpin' my girlz like the Taliban on a literate woman." Well, yes, it feels good now. Believe, me I made many, many mistakes when I was a youngin', gamblin', whorin', drinkin hard shit' and gettin' so fucked up and crazy I was like a rabid dog howlin' at da moon, just kicking it to the fucking max, bitches! But was I sorry for enjoying life so much? Yes, because I realized that those experiences are so empty and joyless compared to the wonder and power of churchin' up yo' ass every Sunday and praying all da time an' shit. Ya feel me brother? So whatever you do in your life, whatever choices you make, do not make the mistake of believing that pleasure and enjoyment are things you should be doing. I did them, for years really, and boy did how I regret it. I had to spend years of prostrating myself before The Lord, telling him how I was his bitch 'n' all. That's what the the world is about: Bein' Da Lord's bitch! Not making others your bitch! Dat wrong! Just plain wrong! So for God's sake do not enjoy life or you might end up wondering why you did.

Yours in Christ,
St. Augustine

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