Monday, May 11, 2015

zimmerman stands ground in moving car, defends freeway freedom

Yes, that Zimmerman.
immerman stands ground in moving car, defends freeway freedom
--johnathan liberty constitutionalist seagull In what is being falsely reported by the mainstream media as a road rage incident, George Zimmerman once again is being slandered as an unstable weirdo with a gun, when in fact he simply was defending The Constitution Of These Here Them United States. But don't believe me: Believe what the unstable weirdo with the gun said at his press conference: "The other driver was sipping on apple juice. At that point, I realized that my survival was threatened, and with it, the survival of the Sovereign State of Florida, the United States of America (except Baltimore), democracy, and quite possibly human civilization itself. I reached for my .44 (most powerful handgun in the movies) and with one swift motion, blew my dick off. Though this had no actual effect on anything except my junk, the other driver was clearly petrified and drove off. Was it the look of grim determination on my face? That he could see that I was an undeterred patriot standing my ground, Second Amendment-style? That huge sprays of blood were spattering the interior side of the windows, pasted with bits of my summer sausage and looking like the worst marinara sauce ever as I screamed in agony? We'll never know, but of this we can be sure: Democracy is safe. But for how long. How. Long?"


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