Friday, June 24, 2011
The formal Demand for Payment that Bush received at his home in the exclusive Dallas neighborhood of Preston Hollow included compensation for missing priceless artifacts looted from the Iraqi National Museum ($200 million), the cost of veterans medical bills over the next 100 years ($750 million), and damages for emotional suffering to the families of Iraqis who died as a result of the war ($50.00). Other restitution includes gasoline, ammunition, repair and replacement of combat vehicles, air-to-surface missiles, pilot-less drones, the loss of American dignity, general embarrassment for any intelligent person exposed to a Bush speech or press conference, unwanted back massages by foreign dignitaries, and burial costs for both Tony Blair's pride and well as any integrity he ever had.
Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia stated, "It is only fair that the elite are held to be responsible for their crimes, just as we would for any junkie who robs a liquor store. And at least the junkie can say he's on the junk." The lone dissenter, Justice Clarence Thomas, wrote a very brief opinion on the back of dinner napkin, which read: "I like cheese." His office refused to clarify statement and pointed a Wikipedia entry detailing a long history of American "patriots" submitting documents on not only table napkins, but also wrapping paper and shipping boxes. "There is also evidence that the original draft of the Declaration of Independence was in fact written on the back of dentist's appointment card," according the web page.
The former president declined comment, because according to a staff member, "He's busy helping Donald Rumsfeld move some furniture onto the back of pick-up they borrowed from Cheney."