Schism In Oprah Book Club

Above:
A walking
cash machine

Long-simmering tensions have led to a schism between devotees of the long-running Oprah reading list, or 'book club', as it is generally known.  The split, some say, began with Oprah's struggle towards self-fulfillment by not filling her gullet whenever she felt like it.  Subsequently, Oprah, having metamorphosized  into the thin celebrity she always knew was dwelling within and waiting for the fat Oprah to be starved to death, continued to issue orders to her followers.

But with the return of Fat Oprah, these followers were divided into two camps: 'Originalists' (who believed that Oprah was a constant factor in their lives, and put faith in Oprah over what the refer to as 'the veil of illusion' of physical reality), versus 'Returnees'.  The Returnees believed that the self-actualized, thin Oprah was in fact the "True Oprah".  Therefore, any instructions from Fat Oprah should be disregarded; rather, one should focus on the teachings of True Oprah, learning them by rote and practicing them in daily life, while awaiting for Her return.





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