Thursday, August 12, 2010

Who Ever Thought That WASPs Would Love Israel So Fucking Much?

All-around man's man
George F. Will

Netanyahu, the anti-Obama
by awesome super special guest columnist George F. Will

Now as anyone who's followed American history for the last 50 years or so should know, the right has long realized that mindless nationalism has long been our province.  It is much more than our prerogative--it's our playground.  And this is not the time to stop playing and get serious.

Let me begin my missive of disdainful disgust with Europe (in which I shall express my deep-seated, barely suppressed rage beneath the pretense of a cool exterior and a pose of calm detachment).  And the thing I loathe more than any other thing is common sense.  The world is dark and light, black and white, good and evil, special and unspecial.  The opposite of dualism is a muckish gray sewage spill of compromise, reasonableness, common decency, and compassion--and I am having none of it.

The world is Either/Or. Science has proven this.  Therefore, for him to acknowledge that Palestinians are human beings can mean only one thing: Obama hates Israel.  He probably would have been for the Holocaust. As one Israeli official noted, "If Palestinians are victims, who are the victimizers?"  Either all Palestinians are victims or all Israelis are victims.  It doesn't matter if you're living on a garbage dump near Jerusalem living off of polluted run-off and mouldy bread crust--there's no room for moral equivocation.  Equivocation just leads to seeing the point-of-view of powerless failures, and who cares about them? It's God's job to judge them and send them to Hell--if we start feeding them, we simply postpone the inevitable.

And what has Europe to say in all of this?  Those wuss-fiends don't even have countries anymore--just a union.  Is that some kind of gay marriage thing?  They can certainly never understand the joys and pleasures of thoughtless patriotism and rampant jingoism any longer; they are weak and no longer have the spirit for war.

Israel, on the other hand, is like Netanyahu: Tough, masculine, rugged, trained in the ways of commandos, of killing a man with a plastic spork.  Just like me, as when I went to college during the Vietnam war, or taught political something something during the Vietnam War or  worked for a U.S. senator during the Vietnam War, or wrote newspaper columns after the Vietnam War. (Which we could have won by the way.)  Tough, rugged, masculine columns, reeking of manly sack sweat . Nothing gay or effeminate there.  (To the families of those who died defending my freedom to get a college deferment: Thank you.)

In other words, fairness means right, and right means me, by which I mean I am always right (in the sense that I am correct--though I am right as well). Regardless of the evidence.

Now let's just forget all of that nasty, pervasive anti-semitism of so many years ago, when Hasidim was about as welcome as typhoid.  Now it's Muslims that we need to exclude. (Unless they're Jewish.)

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