Pope Lashes Out at Belgium After Raid on Church - NYTimes.com
In a move that filled onlookers with "dismay" and "disbelief", Pope Benedict Roman Numeral Who Cares expressed concern for the 'privacy' and 'rights' of the sexual abuse victims of the clergy, in a reaction to news that Belgian police were actually policing the clergy.
Stated Silvio Berlusconi of Rome, "Genuinely hard to believe he could say that without breaking down into laughter at some point. And I'm not even sure what language he speaks, to be honest--and I think I'm Catholic or something." American Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia chimed in, "Thank God I do not live in godless Western Europe with the filthy frogs--here in America, the intermediaries of Christ can delay justice for pretty much fucking ever." Everyone expressed regret that the Pope failed to compare himself with the victims of genocide, which all agreed would have been much more amusing. "Maybe next time," Jon Stewart muttered under his breath, with the slightest note of resignation. "Anyone got anymore British Petroleum CSPAN testimony?"