Friday, June 18, 2010

Excerpts From British Petroleum's Disaster Plan

Section Technical Training For Oil Spillage Clean Up Crews
"The Negroid Man, while subject to bouts and fits of happy singing, hand-clapping, and general roustabouting, is nonetheless capable of many hours of sustained hard laborf; this is due to his proclivity for the light of the sun and his willingness to follow directions (cf. Genesis)."

"Conversely, the Latin Man has been bred by the tropical sun and overabundance of ripe fruit therein to lay about in a slothful manner.  Therefore they cannot be relied upon for the hard laborf which will be requireth should such calamities take place.  When unsupervised, they are known to spontaneously dance about and therefore are inferior to the Negroid Races, who faced the challenges of lions, tigers, elephants, and slavers on a daily basis."

"It is believed that a great bounty of gold lies just through the NorthWest Passage, and our fearless captains who brave the ice will be rewarded with endless treasures of whales and their oiles, which the Good Lord has placed their in their infinite numbers for our goodly harvest." 

"The Asian Man is very small, and though capable of--oh deuce it all my ink well is dry and my nurse informs me that it is time for another application of leeches.  I also must apply several unctions and unguents."

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