Friday, December 3, 2010

NPR: Send Us Your Money Or Die Leeches


Mantle: Hello, Los Angeles, welcome to Airtalk.  What's your beef?

Caller: The economy was doing much better in previous decades when taxes were higher.  Instead of cutting taxes, the government stimulate the economy.

Mantle: You don't know that.  The Bush tax cuts may have made the economy better.  Every night I sacrifice a rooster to the Sun God to ensure that the Sun rises in the morning.  Would the sun rise if I stop sacrificing roosters? Maybe--but should I take that chance? We only have glowing orange ball in the sky and I personally am not willing to risk it.

Caller: What?

Mantle: Please, think critically.  Correlation is not causation.

Caller: But the deficits and military spending--

Mantle: Look, you can believe whatever you like.  It's a free country.  But if we had not invaded and occupied two nations and killed tens of thousands of people, all Americans could have been killed in a plane crash by now.  You don't know.  You can't prove that I'm wrong.

Caller: I'm confused...

Mantle: Good.  Because this is the kind of thoughtful dialogue you can have only hear on KPCC. Not like those commies at Pacifica or KPFK.  Next, we have Todd from the American Enterprise Institute, who will no doubt spew some utterly predictable bullshit about taxes or global warming. Are you there Todd?

Todd: Here Larry and great to be here.

Mantle: Great to be anywhere at my age, ha ha.

Todd: Ha ha

Mantle: Al Gore.

Todd: Ha ha, please, Larry, no more.

Mantle: Okay, let's go to our next caller. Hello, you have a question for Todd?

Caller: Yes, I'm unemployed, I have no medical coverage, and soon I'll be homeless. I don't qualify for aid because I have no children and I'm too young for Medicare or Social Security. Fiscal austerity will end any chance I have of finding work or having a roof over my head.

Mantle: Well you'll just have to suck it up for America, and frankly you don't sound like the kind of person who donates to Public Radio or KPCC.  Todd?

Todd: Fuck her. Taxes are evil, war is good, and global warming is a myth.

Mantle: Wow, great conversation Todd, I did not expect a man who works for billionaires to say that.  Only on public radio, folks.  Please support us and become a member by sending as much money as you possibly can.  You wouldn't want to see me out of job, would you?

Tomorrow's show: Why California colleges are for white people who worked very hard by being born in this country.  Please join us.

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