Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Analysis of U.S. Census data from 2010 indicates that America is "really full of dicks,"
according to a report released today. "All of our data points to a nation-wide pattern of lunacy, paranoia, ignorance, delusion, superstition, and flat-out stupidity."
"Millions of Americans have no idea of the relative cost of primary care versus emergency rooms, believe that Hawaii is not part of the United States, won't shut up about aliens and UFOs, believe that an industry that spends has billions in revenue can be controlled by climatologists, that the CIA can actually keep secrets, that guns will prevent gun violence, and a ton of other crazy shit. Frankly, we're surprised the nation has not simply sank into the sea, except that such a thing would be impossible if you know the first thing about modern geology--which most people don't. The point is, we're fucked. Have you seen their test scores in China? Can you believe there was a time when people actually thought about progress and putting people on the moon? Now they just want to watch HBO."
The conclusion of the report is nearly blank page with nothing on it but the words, "Conclusion" and "Cockknobs".