According to Mindy Kaling, Mindy Kaling is currently quite willing to talk about stuff that happened to Mindy Kaling, report reputable sources. This includes America's esteemed paper of record, the New York Times, and has been confirmed by media outlets as diverse as TMZ, Ezra Klein's Twitter account, a 13-year-old girl's Tumblr page, and bunches of others.
Mindy Kaling has also confirmed that Mindy Kaling talking about Mindy Kaling will be an ongoing, reflective gaze of self-absorption, regarding a woman of ethnic struggling to make it in a world run by people without ethnic--namely, Mindy Kaling--and fortuitously, is planned to continue for decades to come. Fans of Mindy Kaling fans issued countless statements of both relief and gratitude, as well as prayers for many, many Mindy-filled years to come.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Once you have given up, however, you can then simply recede--into a pleasant and tranquil daze filled with comforting thoughts. (Just like David Brooks of the New York Times.) Just remember that they (Republicans, I mean, I hoped that that was fucking obvious but in case it was not...Republicans) have your best interests at heart: An obesity-and-stress-induced visit to the nearest pauper's grave. Once, of course, they have sucked you dry, stripped the flesh from your bones, and sent whatever's left to the rendering plant. (Figuratively speaking, of course, you wouldn't need a grave if they did that--hmm, that would be a money-saver, now that I think about it.) If your parents are the lucky enough to have a home, they could then easily take out a second or third or fourth mortgage. Then you could rot away in a nice container under a well-manicured lawn for
If, dear reader, you agree with everything in this quote, please let me know--in order that I might swiftly administer to you a kick in the cunt. I also extend that offer to Marjane Satrapi as well. (Not really sure if that's an offer that interests her, however. More likely she'd prefer to choke on a cake of chocolate, suet and cancer sticks, but hey, that's her business.)
Monday, October 13, 2014
Department of the Rudely Honest
In the latest iteration of how dare you speak honestly (dutifully recorded as such by GOP shill-outlet USA Today), Greg Abbott (R) took umbrage with an campaign ad which correctly described him as duplicitous hypocrite; a man who exercised his rights when it suited him before before suppressing those rights for others. Stated Texas gubanatorial candidate Abbott:
"My severed spinal column gives me the right to be furious regarding this horrible, horrible outbreak of truth emanating from the Wendy Davis campaign. I shall defend my record of destroying the last remaining hopes of other unfortunates to the last nerve ending of my completely numb genitalia. I recoil in horror to think what other facts, certainties, or verities the Wendy Davis campaign might try to use against me. And frankly, I'd be trying to sodomize the citizens of Texas with or without the damn wheelchair, so there was no need to turn this into some adolescent take on Freud."
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Thank you friends, for sharing your time with me and allowing me to talk to you about the advantages of the 1955 Chrysler Convertible. Provided any of us exist. If not, we must start over. (With existing.)