|Above: Artist's rendering of the |
Ryan-Rand Open Casket Act
Senator Rand Paul and Representative Paul Ryan have announced a their sponsorship of a bill that would provide additional housing for homeless veterans. Informally known as the "Open Casket Act", the bill would provide a shelter for every veteran for every veteran to live in, or at the very least sleep in, till she or he is dead.
|Above: Congressmen Rand Paul,|
Paul Ryan, and some other douche.
Senator Paul chimed in: "It's true, I was there and saw all three wins. Pinned the medal on him myself right at the top of Kilimanjaro."
"Everest!", hissed Mr. Ryan.
|Above: Site of Mt. Everest Marathon which|
Rep. Ryan has won thrice-fold.
As Mr. Paul and Mr. Ryan were chased away by the men in white, they were followed by a large horde of women dressed only in brassieres and knickers (as they say in London, yes I was in London once about 1925, a cold, gray place of ash and soot, with natives who spoke my tongue, and yet it was not, and the occasional glint of the sun upon the river was cause for celebration but oh I do digress). In the distance, I was certain that that I heard the harsh tones of a saxophone playing a novelty tune, perhaps from a nearby lawn party, or perhaps it was a ghost, lost between here and the afterworld, looking for one of the long-gone rituals of laughter and chatter and bootleg there by sea, where Mr. Gatsby found himself going in reverse, receding into the past, because the clutch was broken and the car was stuck in 'R'. And that, my friends, that is America. A fancy car with a broken clutch.
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