Wednesday, May 6, 2015

dead man arrested after 150 years on the lam in florida cemetery

A dead convict was imprisoned by authorities after a century-and-a-half-long search. The man, Knob Bucktooth of Missouri, wanted for a probation violation due to a fatal hit-and-run of a pedestrian in the township of Notashithole, Missouri,

According to court records, Mr. Bucktooth had illegally supplied his donkey, 'Ivan the Terrible', with illicit and unlicensed whiskey from a local bootlegger. Ivan then lived up to his name by plowing through a crowd at top donkey speed, and crushed an elderly grandmother of 12. Who might have already dead, but as she was the town's only regular prostitute who worked on Sundays, the loss was keenly felt. As local prosecutor, Charles Edward Windsor-Sinclair stated at the trial, "The fall taken, shall it be, and not by me." Mr. Bucktooth was sentenced to 50 years of probation or death

It was not before long, however, that Mr. Bucktooth was once again riding a drunken donkey. He was rei-arrested and about to be sentenced when he convinced the jailer that no one really cared. This dangerous criminal then disappeared forever, or so it was thought, when his grave marker was discovered in northern Florida by people with nothing better to do. 
His bones were disinterred and have been transferred to a federal prison awaiting trial, where he will likely be sentenced to several lifetimes in a federal penitentiary at the paltry cost of $50,000 per annum. Stated an officer involved with the case: "This should be a warning to all the dead criminals out there. We will hunt you down. We will find your body. And we will refuse to ask ourselves why we are doing this."


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