zimmerman stands ground in moving car, defends freeway freedom

Yes, that Zimmerman.

immerman stands ground in moving car, defends freeway freedom --johnathan liberty constitutionalist seagull In what is being falsely reported by the mainstream media as a road rage incident, George Zimmerman once again is being slandered as an unstable weirdo with a gun, when in fact he simply was defending The Constitution Of These Here Them United States. But don't believe me: Believe what the unstable weirdo with the gun said at his press conference: "The other driver was sipping on apple juice. At that point, I realized that my survival was threatened, and with it, the survival of the Sovereign State of Florida, the United States of America (except Baltimore), democracy, and quite possibly human civilization itself. I reached for my .44 (most powerful handgun in the movies) and with one swift motion, blew my dick off. Though this had no actual effect on anything except my junk, the other driver was clearly petrified and drove off. Was it the look of grim determination on my face? That he could see that I was an undeterred patriot standing my ground, Second Amendment-style? That huge sprays of blood were spattering the interior side of the windows, pasted with bits of my summer sausage and looking like the worst marinara sauce ever as I screamed in agony? We'll never know, but of this we can be sure: Democracy is safe. But for how long. How. Long?"

#georgezimmerman
#yesthatzimmerman
#secondamendment
#standyourground
#completely_reasonable

wayne lapierre gets new jobbie as onion staff writer

 

above: LaPierre's controversial 'finger' speech at an NRA
convention, when he declared  in which orifice of the
President  he would insert his finger, how far, for
which reasons, and why he thought they would
both enjoy it.

wayne lapierre gets new jobbie as onion staff writer  - 11 april 2015 - dead rodent typing

Wayne 'Waynsey' (to his friends, although so far none have been found) LaPierre, noted pro-gun lobbyist and all-around hateful bastard, took a job with the satirical weekly, The Onion, it was announced this week. Curiously enough, he started his new career with a self-parody: One of Wayne LaPierre the gun lobbyist attacking Hilary Clinton. In it, he described the future under a Hilary Clinton presidency.

“She will not bring a new dawn of promise and new opportunity,” LaPierre argued. “Hillary Rodham Clinton will bring a permanent darkness of deceit and despair, forced upon the American people to endure.”

Mr. LaPierre seemed to be much more relaxed and light-hearted than his button-down, angry persona he once projected. When asked for  how he really felt about his past work for the National Rifle Association, (during which he had made such provocative statements such as the infamous, "only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun," after a school massacre), LaPierre laughed. He then replied:

"Oh, that was just a bunch of bullshit I said to make money. It's just politics, okay? You've got to laugh about it, no matter how many people die. I mean it's a crazy, nutty, wacky, cuckoo world, and the needless slaughter of innocents is just part of the game. That's why I love my new job here at The Onion. You''ve just gotta' laugh!"

Abruptly LaPierre ended the interview because, as he put it,  "I need to stomp a baby weasel to death or I'll go completely mad." He then disappeared through a passageway, into the bowels of the venerable institution that is The Onion.

#NRA #fingerspeech #waynelapierre

10 Wounded, 1 Dead At Shooting Party

10 Wounded, 1 Dead At Shooting    

A shooting party was held in a Chicago suburb in which one man was mortally wounded, causing him to die or something. Ten others were also shot, but as gunshots are generally a minor form of trauma leading to simple 'flesh wounds', it is expected that they will all make a full recovery without permanent injury or life-crippling PTSD. Except for the guy who's dead, he won't be getting better.

Armed Society Not Only Impolite, But Sometimes Just Plain Fucking Rude.

Shooting unsettles Utah neighborhood - latimes.com

NRA Supports Iraqi Freedom!

Yes, bombs and guns totally defeated the evil occupiers in Iraq which is why it is now a free, open democracy! Go gun freedom and guns for all!