wayne lapierre gets new jobbie as onion staff writer

 

above: LaPierre's controversial 'finger' speech at an NRA
convention, when he declared  in which orifice of the
President  he would insert his finger, how far, for
which reasons, and why he thought they would
both enjoy it.

wayne lapierre gets new jobbie as onion staff writer  - 11 april 2015 - dead rodent typing

Wayne 'Waynsey' (to his friends, although so far none have been found) LaPierre, noted pro-gun lobbyist and all-around hateful bastard, took a job with the satirical weekly, The Onion, it was announced this week. Curiously enough, he started his new career with a self-parody: One of Wayne LaPierre the gun lobbyist attacking Hilary Clinton. In it, he described the future under a Hilary Clinton presidency.

“She will not bring a new dawn of promise and new opportunity,” LaPierre argued. “Hillary Rodham Clinton will bring a permanent darkness of deceit and despair, forced upon the American people to endure.”

Mr. LaPierre seemed to be much more relaxed and light-hearted than his button-down, angry persona he once projected. When asked for  how he really felt about his past work for the National Rifle Association, (during which he had made such provocative statements such as the infamous, "only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun," after a school massacre), LaPierre laughed. He then replied:

"Oh, that was just a bunch of bullshit I said to make money. It's just politics, okay? You've got to laugh about it, no matter how many people die. I mean it's a crazy, nutty, wacky, cuckoo world, and the needless slaughter of innocents is just part of the game. That's why I love my new job here at The Onion. You''ve just gotta' laugh!"

Abruptly LaPierre ended the interview because, as he put it,  "I need to stomp a baby weasel to death or I'll go completely mad." He then disappeared through a passageway, into the bowels of the venerable institution that is The Onion.

#NRA #fingerspeech #waynelapierre