People, the highly respected periodical published by Time Warner and which screams stupid things at us every time we are simply trying to purchase a bag of potato chips without being reminded of the existential absurdity of our all too ridiculously short yet unbearably painful lives, published a highly disturbing photo which has no doubt stimulated the prurient interest of our youth -- especially the male ones.
This shocking photograph (above) shows an aged yet unbelievably sexual dynamo that is the 99 year old Barbara Walters. We here at, um, where ever we are, feel compelled to speak out against People Magazine for publishing this photograph. There can be no doubt that at this very moment, impure fluids are being rocketed into the atmosphere by imagining the thought of Ms. Walters walking corpse existing as as a set of matching triplets: This is a greater threat to our youth than the specter of Soviet-style Marxism. (Back when we all thought joining the local COMINTERN headquarters would net us a tragically doomed but oh-so-worth-it affair with Julie Christie. (Boy was a I wrong. Turned out it was a church and Boy Scouts meeting. I attended every Sunday for three years dammit.)
Shame on you, People Magazine. Shame shame shame.
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