Monday, October 13, 2014

Republican Candidate Attacks Offensively Honest Political Ad In Yet Another Fake Controversy

"Just because my legs don't work does not
mean I can't be a douche. Now watch
me kill a helpless animal. Whee!
It's fun to watch things die! And that is my
promise to you as governor. I will
shoot things and watch them die.
Also, go to my website and read my
no-blow-jobs promise to Texans."

Department of the Rudely Honest
In the latest iteration of how dare you speak honestly (dutifully recorded as such by GOP shill-outlet USA Today), Greg Abbott (R) took umbrage with an campaign ad which correctly described him as duplicitous hypocrite; a man who exercised his rights when it suited him before before suppressing those rights for others. Stated Texas gubanatorial candidate Abbott:

"My severed spinal column gives me the right to be furious regarding this horrible, horrible outbreak of truth emanating from the Wendy Davis campaign. I shall defend my record of destroying the last remaining hopes of other unfortunates to the last nerve ending of my completely numb genitalia. I recoil in horror to think what other facts, certainties, or verities the Wendy Davis campaign might try to use against me. And frankly, I'd be trying to sodomize the citizens of Texas with or without the damn wheelchair, so there was no need to turn this into some adolescent take on Freud."

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