The Devil's Escalator

by SHYAMALAN

[Scene 1:  A shopping mall escalator with terrifying vistas.  The scrubbed-clean look of the Apple Store is an  ironic counterpoint to the horrible fate that awaits our characters.]
Stereotypical Ex-Frat Boy:
Wow, do you think this escalator is going to go all the way up to the third floor? I should mention that I always grope at least one woman while on public transit.
Elderly Woman Stereotype::
Never cared for escalators myself.  I feel like I'm moving too fast. In my day we had stairs but then the government shut down all  the stairs.
[clunking noise]
Bland Guy Sterotype: What was that?

Scary Black Guy Stereotype: The escalator. It--stopped
Bland Guy: Don't worry, I'm sure someone will come to fix it soon.
Black Guy: You don't understand--I have a severe fear of standing in one spot. Help! Help! Help!"

Incompetent Tit Stereotype: Don't worry, I'll fix it in a minute. Oh, I'm dead.

Superstitious Immigrant Stereotype: When I was small, my grandmother would tell me a story about how the Devil interfering with mechanical devices and electronic devices so that he could torture the damned while they were still on earth.

Steve, Yet Another Uninteresting Character: How did this story end?

Superstitious Guy: I don't know.  I'd become so terrified that I'd piss myself and then she'd laugh and laugh.

Uninteresting Guy: Wow, what a bitch.

Superstitious Guy: Rather.

[End Scene I]


Shaymalan