I'll Huff And I'll Puff And I'll Blow Your Treaty Down!

by GEORGE
F. WILL

Being an aging curmudgeon isn't as fun as you might think.  There is a foul stench in the air, and as always, the air reeks of a sulphurous putrescence: To be precise, the rank and reek of liberalism.  As James Madison once said, "This doth vexeth my arsehole."

Of course, my arsehole has been vexed for decades now, ever since I looked up 'soup kitchen' in Webster's.  (Relieved, of course, only by vaguely homoerotic odes to baseball.)

And as predictably insufferably as a hemorrhoids, the reactionary liberals are regurgitating their spew about how nuclear weapons are 'bad' and should be 'controlled'.  Well let me tell you one thing: As far as I know, plutonium is odorless, which makes it just fine in my book.

Furthermore, Russia is a filthy, backwards place, a smelly [sorry, running out of synonyms here] cesspool of corruption, and the only deodorant that will cure it is a massive dose of U-235.  And as Senator Kyl knows, we do not need limits on our weapons of mass destruction.  No, we need to build more of them.  And test them (preferably on Moscow).  Why would anyone be afraid of a weapon if they are not perfectly certain it will work?  (Say, on the Kremlin.)  And as history as clearly shown, the way to peace is to make more and more weapons.  (Critics might observe that since I've advocated ending all government agencies, it's hypocritical of me to advocate massive military spending with taxes in order to prepare for a global holocaust.  But to those critics I will simply say this: You don't understand the U.S. Constitution.  I suggest you read it again--no one said a word about nuclear weapons.)

It's terrible that I should live in  world and suffer such fools as Obama.  Thankfully one day I will have moved on to an odor-free world, absent of reactionary liberals.  But until then, my the vexation of my arse commands me to complain.  And so I shall, in the most pompous way imaginable.

George F. Will