Saturday, January 22, 2011

If Guns Don't Kill People, Then Why The Hell Did You Buy A Gun?


Okay, I was, as usual, sitting in the desk drawer of this named Fred or Joe or Aziz or whatever, I don't really give a shit, fully loaded of course in case someone wants to kick the door in and force his fat wife to have an abortion or rape his dog or whatever.  Look, I don't give a shit why you want to kill someone or who the hell it is.  I'll kill anyone or anything.  I can pop off 10 times in less than 10 seconds--with me you have the firepower of an 1861 infantry platoon.  I can shoot the shit out of pretty much anything smaller than a grizzly bear and even if I don't kill it, that bear would not be feeling well at all.  And I take pride in that. It's my job.

But to say,  I don't kill people?  Then why the hell did you go to "The Shooting Gallery" on Main and Fifth and plonk down $431.99 plus tax to take me home?  Not including ammunition, lessons, and even that weekend with the "Freedom Militia"?  Oh yeah, I know all about it--I was there, you idiot.  You paid $1000 of your hard-earned cash to play soldier like you were six years old just to severe sunburn and poison sumac.  I would have gone to Disney World.  I mean, what the hell?

Yes, I'm sure you could shoot into a crowd of people and massacre them with a rusty steak knife or a heavy wooden chair.  I'm sure you hide a  car in your pocket, walk up to the fifth floor and kill your ex-wife that way.  I'm sure you could assassinate a political figure from 20 meters with a tomahawk.  Yes, please go postal with a boomerang and let me know who it works out for you. Jackass.

No, I can kill people and I'm pretty damn good at it.  So maybe you should mention that at your next NRA meeting.  You don't want to get on my side.

No comments:

Post a Comment