Saturday, January 22, 2011

Guns Not Abortions


I think I had the best idea of my life last night.  I was, as usual, searching for ideas to rebuild America's manufacturing base by reading Deuteronomy--a great place to look for new legislative proposals, by the way--when I thought to myself, "I think I've got this pro-life thing licked."  Give guns instead of abortions.  (Yes, I think I gave it away in the title there.)

This way, we'll not only save lives by preserving those wonderful future-worshipers which our Lord craves so much, but we'll save even more lives by giving every future a mom for self-defense.  Assuming she doesn't use the gun to kill herself, and assuming her future child/children do not find the gun and decide to 'play' Alien Versus Predator, or the gun doesn't accidentally go off and spatter some brain matter on the ceiling...but that's all part of His Divine Plan.  Not something we should be messing with.  There was guy named Frankenstein and he tried to do that and looked what happened to him--the bank foreclosed on his castle, as I recollect.

And of course, if that child happens to be born without a cortex but requires expensive life-long medical care to keep breathing, I'll be gladly voting against paying for that.  (After all, isn't medical care just another example of people interfering in The Divine Scheme Of Things?  Just like abortion and birth control, but unlike an assault rifle or income taxes.)

So the next time you hear a woman saying, "I can't afford to raise a child," just hand her a Glock.  You'll both be glad you did.

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