1. It Kills People You Just Plain Don't Like. 2. Can Buy More Stuff From Steve Jobs. 3. Send Emails To AT&T about poor coverage. 4. Makes you hip for some reason. 5. Not sure why you need to be a 40-year-old hipster but you do. 6. Instant updates on some bullshit happening somewhere. 7. Sure the novelty will never wear off, unlike your ex-wife. 8. Let others know you're better than they are.
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