|by DAVID BROOKS|
We in America should take a cue from the British government. First of all, they are 'conservative', so it's okay for me to like them (without the virtual stoning).
Secondly: By suggesting new ways for people to demonstrate concern for one another , the Tories have given us a new way. An exciting, new, path, to make the world a better place! And without requiring anyone to actually do anything! (Now that, mes amis, is some fucking freedom.) (And isn't the freedom to not really give a crap the greatest freedom of all?)
But what, ask my angry tax-hating readers, is that cue? Well it's marvelously, ludicrously simple (yet complex): The eliciting of empathy-nominative-behaviors in a synergystic complex of emotive-emitting quark-fields resulting in a highly-enlarged vortex of engaged-social-plasm.
Skeptics, of course, shall laugh, but we shall see who shall laugh last. (I'll give you a clue--it's me.) The creation of highly-engaged-and-enlarged-social-plasms is an exciting and utterly new field of New Studies. Directed by no less an authority than Dr. Beefwit Crankshunker, PhD, of Oxford at Pigshire, County County, England, we are learning utterly new things in the field of Newology. And the most exciting thing of all is that these shiny newness-es will allow us to slash taxes, cut spending on wasteful things like education and nursing-home care--but still have education and nursing-home care. Or at least, let us feel much better about ourselves while doing nothing about the lack of education or nursing-home care. And isn't feeling good what American is all about?