Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Cheney Distorts Information Regarding Size & Location Of His 8:48 AM Bowel Movements

It has been reported by noted investigative reporter Seymour Hersch of The New Yorker that Dick Cheney has not been releasing fecal material of the size he has claimed. In addition, Mr. Hersch reported that the location of the released material is not, as he has claimed in many interviews, his toilet. "In fact, anonymous sources have revealed to me that it is coming out of his mouth. No one can be sure as to the precise cause of this bizarre and mysterious malady; however, it appears to have reached epidemic proportions in former members of the Bush Administration." When asked for comment, a senior official at the NIH (who refused to allow himself to be identified) said, "Well I can only speculate, but I've heard that swallowing too many lies can make you vomit, so maybe it can have a laxative effect as well."

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