Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Oftentimes people come up to me and say, "There are no words to describe what you do." Not sure what they mean by that but I'm sure it's a compliment. The point is, people think in metaphors. For example, when I see a picture of Ronald Reagan I think 'Real American', but when I see a picture of Billy Dee Williams, I think "Dial 9-1-1."

So you see, people are complicated. So complicated that they can't be understood. Frequently people write to me and say, "Your columns make no sense whatsoever." Well of course they don't. The world is too complicated to be understood. How many times have you gone out to buy a stick of gum but come back with a dime bag of heroin?

Take those so-called "wealthy". What many say is greed piled upon greed piled upon avarice, as the One Per Cent grabs more and more and more of the big money, is to me something else altogether: A paycheck. I didn't get where I am today by speaking truth to power. No, I prefer to power the truth. When you're like me, a reactionary who spends his nights worrying about how the Asian-Jewish Meritocrats are plotting to destroy the Real Americans (the people who don't live or work in New York City like I do), the Real People with Real Values  who think a glacier is an ice cream, the Real People like me who are too real to bother with really understanding science and thus are easily pleased with the pretty facts, not the ugly ones, those people who are knee deep in pig shit every know what, those are mostly Real Mexicans, so cancel that last one.

So if you cut Medicaid or Medicare, and give the One Percent their tax cuts, you can see that one thing is utterly possible: Leprechauns will create more medical care. Of course by "leprechaun" I'm using a metaphor; because Americans will always manage to solve the problem (it's what Real Americans  do).

How? How the fuck should I know, they're leprechauns! But since we think in metaphors, what's the difference? The answer: None at all. All we have to believe is that the real-or-not leprechauns will fix it. And isn't that good to know?


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