United Nations Report: War On Ignorance Has Failed

The United Nations released a report last Friday documenting the utter failure of the War On Ignorance. The introduction to the report cited 'centuries of wasted effort and investment', including compulsory education, literacy, libraries, colleges, universities, scientific research, and even paranormal psychology.

It continues to say:
From the time of the first calendars, to that of the philosophers of Ancient Greece, many have advocated overcoming the woeful state of mans' confusion, frequently referred to as ignorance. However, again and again, Mankind has not only refused but actively resisted repeated attempts to free it from the yoke of delusion and superstition. The rise of Science appeared to intially provide some degree of hope; but Humanity instead preferred to re-interpret objective reality within a framework of previously held beliefs or existing biases. 'The price of tulips will always go up.' 'God gave my son polio to test my faith.' 'The Earth is 5000 years old.' 'T. Rex bones were created by Satan to lure you into hell.'


With the Internet came a new hope, that an oversupply of information would counter disinformation and falsehoods--alas, it was not to be. The supply of disinformation and distortion was merely amplified by millions of computers all over the globe. Even now, a substantial portion of the Earth's people believe that food and energy are potentially infinite, many think that vaccines cause disease, and that if you just eat some dehydrated seaweed you'll be A-OK.


Therefore, this report recommends that the War On Ignorance be ended. It is too expensive, too time-consuming, and requires too many scarce resources--resources that could be better devoted to improving our lives in more tangible ways, such as increasing access to reality TV, making sure every household on the globe has a celebrity scandal-sheet in the native language in order to track celebrity procreation/adultery/fornication, and inventing new artificial sweeteners for diet soda. By realistically re-ordering our priorities, we can make can more quickly destroy civilization and finally return to the lifestyle for which we originally evolved: Hunting, gathering, and dying of malaria at the ripe old age of 30.

However, no one appears to be aware of the report, owing to a celebrity wang shot that appeared on the internet just minutes before its publication.

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