|by DR. PRURIENT|
And as we all know, this will definitely push down the price of common stock shares with a really shit price-to-earnings ratio.
Ergo, my hope for The Hoof-Footed One is a buy-out from an outside investor such as Warren Buffet, who can cut the dead weight (too much middle management, increase employee contributions to health care plans), increase efficiency--say, a better-managed database of potential customers--and thereby increase the number of souls doomed to suffer in hell for all eternity. And all with a concomitant reduction in workload per doomed soul.
For example, there are millions of children around the world, right at this very moment, entertaining the idea of stealing candy. What is Satan doing about that? The answer: Nothing. The Prince of Darkness is too busy concoting (admittedly diabolical) but overly complex schemes just to trap a guy in an elevator because of some unpaid parking tickets from 1995.
But with a new management team and corporate board who will truly represent the interest of investors, Satan could proudly say that he is no longer the president of poorly managed firm stuck with a business model from ancient Babylon; but rather, an evil entity that not only corrupts humanity, but corrupts it in a highly efficient and 21st century environment. And moreover, one which will be able to compete with emerging economies such as China and India.
Think about it, Lucifer--won't you?