Tears Of A Boehner: Date Rape Daze

by TEARS OF A
BOEHNER

Hi, you may remember from such sound bites as "Obamacare" and "taxpayer-funded abortions".  But I'm not here to discuss the unpleasant rudeness of Washington D.C.  No, I'm here to reminisce about my days as a college frat boy, or whatever the hell it was I did back them.

Even before the end of the first paragraph above, I could feel the tears of nostalgia welling up and trying to escape from their little ducts--but I choke them back so that I can finish the sentence.  Raising hell, underage binge drinking, and taking advantage of passed-out sorority sisters--these were things that used to be the normal part of a college education.  But now the Political Correctness Police (PCP) are all 'alcohol poisoning' this,  'nicotine-caused lung cancer' that, and 'someone fingered me while I was in an ethanol-induced coma' thus.

Well, we can't change everything that the PCP want.  Nor can we always save the love-child of a bit of totally non-coercive, slightly non-consensual intercourse.  But hopefully there will be a day, a time, a place, where these embryos fertilized when things just happened to get a bit rapey.  After all, why shouldn't a woman be forced to give birth to scion of the rapist who did not rape her?  Especially if that woman can't afford to travel out-of-state to the nearest clinic.  But I know in my heart that there will someday be a future for these beautiful rape babies.  Or as I like to call them, "snowflakes from Jesus."  What? You hate Jesus?

Okay, sorry, I have to go now and finish out this cry and blow my nose and try to keep as many Americans from having health coverage as possible.  I'm sure Jesus wants it that  way.  (That my friends at the US Chamber of Commerce want it that way as well is just a happy coincidence.)   I'm sending some snot-filled tears your way, America.













Tears Of A Boehner