Winning The Future - With America's Elderly White Voters

by Bill O'Reilly

As usual Obama is full of shit.  He wants to invest money--tax money--in infrastructure that will promote an American future that is not a third-world banana republic run exclusively for the benefit of billionaires and their sycophants.  But my audience is too smart to fall for this.

My audience of elderly crackers knows that the best way to invest in America's future is to continue to fund Medicare and Social Security.  Because those are the people who turn out to vote for America's future (which is, of course, Medicare and Social Security).  Where would this country be today if God had not built a highway system?  Obviously the highway system has one Divine Purpose: To allow those who watch Bill O'Reilly to drive to the nearest buffet.  Obviously.

Well, I'm a simple man with simple ideas, and I think I've proved my point.  Compassion should and must end at the voting booth, where it collides and is crushed by self-interest and egotism.  (Rather like what I do to the truth every night on Fox News.)  And above all, our future and America's future are intertwined with me, my ratings, and getting my party elected into office.  Because after all, it's not your country after you're dead--who gives a shit then?





Bill O'Reilly