Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Milking True: Jenny Sanford Tells Her Story (Again) (And Again) (And Again And Again And Again And Again...)

Milking True: Or Sucking This Bit In The Spotlight For All The Cash And Power I Can Grab With My Aging Gnarled Claws
That's right, in my book (now for sale at Barnes & Noble for a mere $29.99 and worth every penny I can assure you), I tell you my inspiring tale of how I went from victim (married to a wealthy and powerful man on whose policies I exercised great influence, as well as running his political campaigns) to victory, because apparently a lot of women are sanguine enough to actually believe that. And the reason I'm telling this lurid toilet-paper-stuck-to-your-shoe-trash is certainly not not for my benefit, but for all of the Good Christian Family Loving Conservative White Women Out There Who Are Certain There Husband Is Banging A Hot Latina News Anchor. (This book is not for Hot Latina News Anchors. Got that? Okay, remember that.) This book is for them, so that they will know that someday that if their husband commits adultery, they too might be able to write a book about it and get a microphone shoved in their respective fat faces.

You see, I had no idea my husband was some sort of freaky weirdo who would at some point have a mid-life crisis and start putting his cock inside of some South American harlot! I seriously thought that all he wanted was to have a family, worship God, and make life miserable for unemployed people by denying them benefits. I thought that was the good, kind thoughtful man I married--a freak I could control, not some freak who would get freaky like James Brown.

And I was so hurt and ashamed by this wound that I realized I had to write a book about it, and then go in public and talk about it, and then talk about it again when I run for governor or senator or maybe just get a local FM talk show like maybe in the state capital if nothing else comes up.

No comments:

Post a Comment