And Then The Voices of a Million Hipsters, Shrieking in Pain...

Hipsters across the galaxy were dismayed by Brian Eno's recent comment this year, "Everything is cool." Screaming into their iPhones, pleading for the ghosts of dead junkie alt-rockers to send them wisdom via their iTunes playlist, these wretches cried out in agony, wondering how would they ever be able to look disdainfully on the rest of the hypocritical ignorant bourgeoisie if they could no longer distinguish themselves with countless hours of sorting through the works of vacuous, self-important grandstanding narcissists and heroin addicts. But the most terrifying question to many was "Who the hell is Brian Eno? Was he in a band?" went unasked, as no one was willing to admit that he or she did not know the answer.