From The Department of Thanks Obama!

This ad, evidently, is not a joke, except on the American people. Having not watched the video (certain that it was very informative though), I never found out what pernicious plans Obama has for my jar of Skippy peanut butter (extra crunchy, or so the label assures me).

It does, however, link to a survivalist website which bills itself as "food4patriots.com"....Though why patriots need any more or less food than anyone else exceeds both my knowledge of human physiology and patriotism: Consult your nearest patriotic physiologist for further information.

Now I must load my All-American, Star-Spangled Glock from Sweden and guard my freedom-butter. 

Delicious Cheescake Wears Camera And Walks Streets Of Manhattan, You Won't Believe How Many People Looked

A delicious slice of cheesecake wore a hidden camera and walked the streets of Manhattan yesterday, and you won't believe how many people unashamedly looked at the hapless, defenseless pie. Both men and women shouted rude remarks, such as, "I want to eat you with a cup of coffee!" At last report, the cheesecake entered the office of our editor and has not been seen since, although our editor assures he walked the cake slice to its car and saw it drive away so there's no chance that he could know anything about anything about a goddamn slice of cheesecake.

Man Wears Pizza On His Priapistic Cock, You Won't Believe How Many Times People Looked At It

A man wearing a pizza on his fully erect penis walked the streets of Manhattan, and you won't believe how many times people looked at it. How many times? "Plenty," he stated.

Someone Actually Admits He Was Wrong About Iraq

NY Times: An honest appraisal from a general about Iraq This is something you rarely see: A high-level (relatively speaking) admitting that he/she was completely wrong about Iraq, and that a re-invasion would be a huge mistake.

Obama Now Taking Republican Children To FEMA Camps - Please Share!

Photo taken just yesterday of NSA agents removing an African-American girl (probably for voting for Republican on Nov. 4th) to a FEMA camp. The White House has failed to return my emails asking for details on her whereabouts, and her family cannot be reached--it is very likely that they are all under federal detention! Please immediately share and donate to my legal fund to submit a writ of habeas corpi to save this brave Republican hero today!  

PSA: I Will Be Saying Degrading Things To Women In A Public Venue

Dead Rodent Typing is proud to announce, that, as a free public service, he will be making  degrading and demeaning comments to women in a free, open-air public venue. This will take place daily between the hours of 11:00 am to sometime between my post-lunchtime nap; though it could extend to as late as my post-dinner viewings of Seinfeld. Interested parties who wish to be treated as a slab of meat or just in need of an unwanted romantic overture by a man in a $2 sleeveless shirt can come by the corner of Imagination and Main, seven days a week. Provided I don't have an appointment with a psychiatrist that day.

The 0.000042% (The Really Do Care)