Puzzle Corner: The Sunday Puzzle.

 

From Stephen, Australia: “What is a nickel? Is it like a tuppence?  and can you make it a prolonged and time-consuming response? I like to enjoy my tedium, thank you very much.    

 

A "nickel" is like a "tuppence", except that you multiply the "tupp" by 10, divide it by the 5000th of a league, cube the result, then add pi rounded to the 10000000th place, subtract the size of Meryl Streep's narcissism measured in astronomical units, and divide by Condaleezza Rice's compassion + the 10th root of 99 (remember: you can't divide by Zero). Then multiply by zero and add five. (Answer below.)

 

Answer: There is no correct answer, but you should have asked yourself, why am I doing this? You'll still get a shitty grade, though.

Senile Old Dude Stole From Even More Senile Old Mom, Gets Hard Time.

Society has been made safe now—for now.  But for how long? FOR. HOW. LONG?

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Senator Ben Nelson Also Likes To Have His Cock Sucked In Public

Ben Nelson Contemplates The Sucking Of His Cock, wants to Pretend He Will Not Enjoy It


Senator Ben Nelson (D, Nebraska) took a cue from Senator Joe Lieberman (I, Massachusetts) yesterday when he voiced opposition on to the health care bill on the grounds that it might actually save lives. Anonymous sources suggested that he had expressed "Lieberman Envy" earlier this week, at one point during a late-night session saying he was worried that "Joe's might be larger and more attractive," confusing all present at the time. Another aide stated, "He told me he really felt that his was too small, but sometimes 'you just gotta' go for it. Joe showed me the way'" Senator Lieberman could not be found for comment, but loud sobbing and the gnashing of teeth was heard from the gent's room near his office for many hours. When asked for comment, the ghost of Sigmund Freud observed, "Yes, it is very common for colleagues to project sibling rivalries of childhood onto one another." Puffing on the apparition of a lit cigar as his ethereal form evaporated, he told this reporter, "Oh, your mother told me to let you know that she never liked you."

I Love To Get My Cock Sucked by Joe Lieberman.

Senator Lieberman Anticipating Yet Another 61st Vote


That's right, I really love a good blow job. I love to feel the love, and now is the best time for a good vacuum action. Any time Harry Reid needs 60 votes in the Senate, I can just feel the bulge growing. And the best part is--do you know? Let me tell you what the best part of a good blow job is? I get to do it in public, and there's always a camera on me--so I know that people can always go to CSPAN and watch me break one off, over and over and over. For years, no one really cared about me till I realized that I could play my boyfriends against each other--in return for a sweet, sweet public hooverama that makes JFK look like a virgin. I mean, he couldn't get his on camera now, could he? Sorry, there's a new bill giving aid to some godforsaken poor people, and I'm due for another busta nut. Oh yeah, that is solid.

Round, hairless man warns youth of America.

A round hairless man was found wandering the streets today, verbally assaulting young people, "Look at me! This is what becoming a certified public accountant does to you! I used to be like you! I was like you once!" The man was detained by police and later identified by authorities as Robert Herz, chair of the Financial Standards Accounting Board. He was released to the custody of the local Weight Watchers chapter and immediately assigned a case worker from Tuff Bodies Inc. Said one bystander, "I hope I never learn what common stock is."