Sunday, August 2, 2015

wow, i'm a total piece of shit by the magical balloon ride of mister brooks

Then I start in with an utterly predictable I'm-really-a-moderate-but-let-me-tell-you-how-the-Clintons-are-the-scum-of-the-earth-attack on Hilary. 'Doesn't this fake, drummed up scandal created by the people I actually work for tell us something about her integrity?' (I say 'character' instead of integrity because they obviously mean the same thing, even though they don't, but really I use it because it's the talking-point word that has come down from Goebbelesque, Luntzian-nightmare-demon that tells me what to say and how to say it.)  

Did I really say that about The Clinton? Ha! I said the same thing about Shrubya, except that his pointless war that cost us trillions in dollars and countless lives lost and wasted (no one I know thank god) proved that he had 'character.' That's Brooksie logic for you. Just imagine! A  Hilary presidency could have meant that there would not have been an illegal, lie-based-that-any-idiot-could-see-through, blatantly conspiratorially bullshit-based war; and this in turn would have conversely proved her lack of integrity. Er, sorry, character. So there you have it: Common sense means spineless, no-character sociopath (i.e. any Democrat) and a complete lack of sense means the instestinal fortitude and courage to send others to fight your lie-based war while you clear your stupid fucking brush and play golf and have pictures taken of yourself riding a bicycle while Katrina buries New Orleans.

Fortunately, I was on vacation from 2000 to 20008, so I take no responsiblity for any of it. I'm just a simple New York Times columnist trying to make his way in the universe, you know? And I was on vacation.

Fortunately, I was on vacation from 2000 to 20008, so I take no responsiblity for any of it. I'm just a simple New York Times columnist trying to make his way in the universe, you know? And I was on vacation.

But wait! There's more! And the best for last! The best part is: NO CONSEQUENCES. I still have my job, just as every Republican who didn't get shrummified still has his job. So why change what's working? And as an optimist, I can categorically say that climage change/global warming will not harm us. Because that's how optimists work: A self-reinforcing cycle of delusion. And I still get to reprimand America for its alleged moral failings. (Not that I'm thinking of anyone in particular but in particular I'm thinking of the poors and the blacks especially the black poors why don't they just bootstrap themselves upwards; if my $2000 Mac Airbook can do it, why can't they? Fuck those assholes.)

In sum, dear reader: Am I not a complete piece of lying shit who can't be honest with himself for one second? And I've minted gold with it! Ah, it's good to be me.

Now excuse me, I have to look up some quotes from Rabbi Hebzejezekiel Whomever  on Wikipedia for yet another admonishment of the working class and its lazy, fat, teen-pregnant, welfare-sponging ways. 

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