The Drought Is Over! (And Other Things I Learned Today)

Here is a brief list of things you can learn from skimming news of the past week or so:

• Microsoft is laying off over 20,000 people (still needs to import computer engineers for some reason) (Microsoft layoffs)
• The drought in California has not been in the news since forever--like at least a week--so it must be over. This is remarkable that it ended in July but there you have it.
• Apple's streaming music service is going to take us into a bold new future, a brave new world wherein somehow people cannot live without Apple software (unless they can't afford Apple hardware, in which case they are screwed and must eke out their wretched little hardscrabble  lives, simply dreaming of the joy of a gadget on which they can produce a slideshow of their children being shot out of a baby cannon to indie-pop reverb while dutifully calling their mothers and at the same time watching pornography to fill in those awkward moments of silence that come with any conversation between an adult child and parent. (No matter how shit this software is, it's still brilliant! Can you beat that? The New Apple Something What The Fuck Ever
•  Some criminals are really very bright, I wonder if they need like any help around the office, maybe some light typing and filing? symantec-report-suggests-hackers-motives-are-blurring
• Marriage will soon be obsolete. Sex Dolls That Talk Back
• (Hopefully these cyborg partners will be saying things such as, "Love me long time!", rather than, "Do you know what's wrong with you, you conceited bastard?"