Saturday, July 9, 2011

Obama Seeking New Ways To Discourage The People Who Voted For Him

President Obama reassured the nation during a press conference this week that he will leave "no stone unturned" in seeking new ways to induce despair and hopelessness in those who voted for him in 2008.

Examples of the above cited by the president include playing the board-game "Monopoly" with the board of Bank of America, a televised game of "Risk" which he will play against Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, posing for photo ops of himself issuing 'fun' over-sized checks with the words "From The Social Security Fund" to hedge fund managers, and "perhaps" pulling down his trousers and passing waste material on to a sidewalk in San Francisco whilst humming a new Toby Keith tune celebrating the forcible sodomizing of an imprisoned Iraqi man by Neo-Nazis.

"But that will not be the end," promised the president. "With these weapons, the speeches and the press conference and the news release, I will hammer relentlessly away at the spirit of those who supported me in '08. I will devote every waking minute of my life chipping away at their spirits, crushing their hopes with the ceaseless repetition of 'compromise' with those who do not know the meaning of word; dedicate myself to grinding down the prayers and dreams and wishes of little children by helping to wreck their nation. I shall continue to give my opponents every benefit of the doubt. And once they have proved beyond any doubt that they are soul-less scoundrels without an ounce of human decency,  I shall compromise again. Love me and despair."

The president also said that prosperity is just around the corner.

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