Facts Are Nasty Little Things With Sharp Teeth And Should Not Be Fed Or Kept As Pets

by
MICHAEL
GERSON

Obama has failed.  This is simply a fact.  And this is not merely some sort of ego-defense employed by the ex-minions of possibly the worst president in American history. No no no, my friends, not at all.  Obama has failed.

And now the liberals must blame someone other than Obama.  Never mind that the filthy hippies have been bashing Obama since Day Two.  Nor that that the Republican Senators have endorsed 'bipartisanship' about as much as they would endorse their daughters dating a black guy.  Nor the unlimited (and anonymous) yet totally-legal  amount of cash thrown into political campaigns.  Nor that Paul Krugman has said for two years that the stimulus was too small.  Never mind.

Never mind those things.  Because those things are facts, and as everyone knows by now, Bush et al. don't do facts.  Facts are nasty little things with sharp teeth...there they are, hovering in the periphery, darting in and out and daring you to look at them square on because then they might bite you hard.  So never reach out to pet one or feed it.  It will only sink its needle-like incisors into your hand and you'll jump back, screaming for a tetanus booster.

After all.  We Bushites made our way by avoiding facts.  Look at me, I'm writing for the Post, which will publish my opinions no matter how idiotic, I gots a gig on the Council on Foreign Relations, and Condie is at Georgetown.  Dubya just wrote a best-seller, and even Death Himself is afraid of Cheney.  And we've pretty got much that Iraq and Afghanistan thing licked, so I'd say overall--whatever it is I'm doing, it's fucking working.  So just remember: Facts bite.  Invite one into your home and you could be in serious trouble.  Keep that in mind. Then you'll always know what to do.

Michael Gerson