Fake-ass Rapper Guilty of Being Fake-ass Rapper

Rap fans around the world were horrified to learn that rapper Rick Ross was in fact a certified public accountant, Ross Rossowitz of Hoboken, NJ.  Even worse, he has never killed, raped, assaulted, or maimed another human being.  Mr. Ross issued a public apology today, admitting that it was true that "I'm not a felon," and "deeply regretting" and harm he has caused to any of his fans by not having harmed others.